


remember

by chuuyuh



Series: silver soul [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Childhood Friends, GinHiji - Freeform, M/M, Partially inspired by a ginhiji video on bilibili, Silver soul, Some Angst with a Happy Ending, shinpachi only appears for a bit tho, some others are mentioned but I didn't tag them lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 09:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15288447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuuyuh/pseuds/chuuyuh
Summary: Gintoki always felt that there was some sort of gap in his memory from when he was younger. Seemingly, a part of his life was only a white space without anything to fill it.However, ever since the incident that brought him to a certain raven-haired Vice-Chief of a certain police organisation, Gintoki has had dreams that felt way too real.Perhaps a littletoomuch like his own memories.





	remember

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of canon divergence, although it doesn't exactly follow the plot of the story of these scenes 
> 
> hope that you enjoy this!!:D

**i. who are you?**

  
Gintoki lowers his helmet as a couple of Shinsengumi members stride past, keeping his head low.

It's not that he didn't know why they were looking for him; after all, he _did_ beat their precious Chief, Kondo Isao, to a duel the other day. That might have been more than embarrassing for them, though Gintoki doesn't really care.

What he _doesn't_ understand, however, is the reason behind why that demon of a vice-chief was so adamant on "avenging" his superior. Activating this many members to find a single person–and only a commoner, no less–is quite a waste of resources.

The boss calls for him to get back to work, and after making sure those people weren't around anymore, Gintoki rolls his eyes and stands up.

Well, he can't wait to see for himself who this vice-chief truly is.

 

  
The wooden sword lands on its target, the metal sword breaks cleanly into half and clattering as it lands on the roof tiles.

The other raven-haired man stares in shock. His eyes are unable to tear away from the broken blade, and Gintoki thinks that his message finally got to the vice-chief. He withdraws his sword.

"You've lost."

Then, it hits Gintoki. Hard.

A scene flashes by in front of his eyes:

A boy, perhaps only 5 years old. He haa large, electric-blue eyes. The boy smiles at him widely, freely and without any worry. Then, he runs ahead while grabbing his hands.

Before Gintoki could understand what's happening, however, it disappears just as quickly as it came to him.

_What was that?_

 

* * *

 

That night, Gintoki has a dream.

 

  
_He's sitting on the ground, doodling random shapes in the dry soil with a wooden stick he found lying around. Circles, lines, shapes appear as his hands move on their own._

_Some other kids are playing their own games, cheering and laughing amongst themselves. Gintoki pointedly avoids looking in their direction. He doesn't really want to mix with them anyways._

_Strangely enough, a boy wearing a dark blue yukata approaches him, a kind smile on his face. "Hey there. Are you alone?"_

_Gintoki only looks at him incredulously. As if the answer to that question was not obvious enough._

_The boy laughs sheepishly. "What kind of question am I asking. Do you want to play with us?"_

_"Obviously, as you can see by me sitting here, the answer is no." Gintoki replies curtly._

_"Come on," He puts a hand on Gintoki's shoulder. The contact makes him jump a little. "It'll be fun!"_

_"No thanks." Gintoki continues doodling shapes in the soil._

_The boy sighs, and settles down beside him, picking up a stick as well. "Then, I'll stay beside you."_

_"Huh? Don't you have friends?"_

_"They'll be fine. As long as I don't go too far away, I guess."_

_Gintoki goes silent and ignores the boy, though acutely aware of the fact that he's not alone anymore._

_"What's your name?"_

_"…Sakata Gintoki."_

_"Gintoki, huh?" The boy smiles. "That's too troublesome, so I'll call you Gin-chan."_

_"Don't go around deciding what to call me!" Gintoki retorts. "What's your name?"_

 

But before the boy could reply, Gintoki wakes up to the shrill sound of his alarm.

 

* * *

 

  
**ii. remembrance**

  
Not long after, Gintoki runs into the demon vice-chief again, this time while eating his delicious sweet bean bowl.

He frowns as the old man passes a bowl topped with a shit-ton of mayonnaise to the person sitting beside him. Or, to be more precise, the famous demonic vice-chief of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata Toushirou.

Honestly, how does he even have the courage to eat this kind of dog food in public where he's easily recognised? Does he not hold any sort of pride for himself? Gintoki almost retches as he thinks about the amount of mayonnaise on the rice.

And then, for a brief moment, Gintoki catches Hijikata clutch his head and wince, as if he had a sudden headache. It goes by so quickly that Gintoki doubts he has even seen it properly.

Hijikata glances at the white-haired samurai's bowl, obviously having the same reaction as Gintoki did towards the mayonnaise bowl. Well, it's not as if someone who's obsessed with mayonnaise would be able to appreciate the beauty of a sweet bean bowl anyways.

"Disgusting." Hijikata spits.

"Better than your pile of white shit." Gintoki retorts.

"Mayonnaise is the ultimate condiment, unlike your sickeningly-sweet beans!"

"Huh?! No matter how you look at it, this sweet bean bowl is much better than mayonnaise!"

"Mayonnaise it better!"

"Sweet beans!"

"Mayonnaise!"

A sharp pain strikes Gintoki and he drops his chopsticks, clutching his head. He vaguely remembers seeing the boss looking towards him, and Hijikata's eyes widening in surprise, before another scene unwraps itself in front of his eyes.

  
_Gintoki sees the same boy from before, but this time, he seems to be slightly older than before, perhaps about 8 years old._

_The boy holds a large bottle of sorts, with a red cap. A gooey, white liquid drizzles out from the cap as the boy squeezes it._

_"Ew, what the hell is that?" Gintoki frowns, watching the gooey liquid go on the rice._

_"It's my favourite dish." The boy responds. "A mayonnaise bowl."_

_"That looks gross, though. Isn't it bad to eat so much mayonnaise?"_

_"Doesn't matter." The boy smiles, and turns to look at him. "No matter what happens, it's always tasty if I'm with you, Gin-chan."_

_"Sheesh. Don't say such corny things, it makes me feel weird." Gintoki rolls his eyes, but ends up bursting into laughter. The boy joins him, and soon both of them are laughing as if having the happiest moment of their lives._

 

The laughter fades out as Gintoki finally recovers from the episode, his vision clearing up again and the pain fading away.

Gintoki's back at the shop, his sweet bean bowl still untouched. Hijikata seems to be talking on the phone rapidly, and it takes him some effort to listen to what the other is saying. Is he…calling for an ambulance?

"Oi, oi, oi, Hijikata-kun. No need to call the ambulance."

Hijikata turns to look at him, evidently unhappy as he mumbles a quick apology and hangs up the phone.

"Ugh, sweet tooth addict. Did you eat so much sugar that you're going to pass out?"

"Oh? Can it be that Hijikata-kun is _concerned_ for me?" Gintoki grins, picking up his chopsticks again.

"The day I care for you is the day the sun rises from the west." Hijikata replies while chewing on rice. "I'm still a police officer, after all. I can't possibly ignore a citizen of Edo in danger."

"But you're off duty, anyways. Would it really matter? Besides, it's the perfect opportunity to finally watch me die."

"Are you an idiot?"

"Maybe I am. But the idiot that is concerned for the idiot is even more of an idiot."

"Shut up!"

Gintoki grins as Hijikata turns away, finishing his rice. Although they haven't known each other for long, it feels like this was something that had happened every day in the past. This sort of familiar bickering filled with fondness, with an familiar person that he can't quite remember.

He watches as Hijikata downs the last bites of his mayonnaise bowl and quickly pays the money. The raven-haired man nods curtly to the cook before walking away.

Somehow, Gintoki thinks he sees the other man blush ever so slightly.

 

  
Gintoki has another dream.

_This time, he's sitting beside a river, the sun made of warm, pleasant shades of purples and reds mixed together. It makes Gintoki feel happy and safe, somehow, though this also makes him acutely conscious of the fact that he is a much younger version of himself right now._

_Gintoki tosses a pebble and it skims across the water, hopping from point to point with movements as graceful as a dancer. He smiles to himself, tucking his head between his knees._

_He hears footsteps from behind him, and his head unconsciously perks up at the sound. A raven haired boy settles himself down beside Gintoki, smiling at him. Strangely enough, he could not see the boy's face clearly, except for a pair of the same blue eyes he had seen before._

_"Gin-chan!" The boy greets, handing him an apple. For some reason, Gintoki knew that they are grown on his family farm._

_"Hey." The white-haired boy returns the greeting, although he doesn't know his name yet–or doesn't remember._

_Gintoki takes a large bite out of his apple, and the sweet taste floods his mouth and overwhelming him with its deliciousness. At the same time, it felt familiar to him, a taste long forgotten from a time he doesn't remember._

_He turns to look at the boy beside him, only to find that he isn't smiling anymore. Instead, a stricken expression takes its place._

_"Gin-chan…" The boy begins, hesitantly._

_"Hmm?" Said boy stops his chewing._

_"…My big brother says that we will be moving away soon." He mumbles. "We'll be moving to somewhere far away from here, Gin-chan."_

_"Oh…"_

_"We won't be able to play together again." The boy then continues, his lips turning into a pout. Indeed, he might even on the verge of tears. He wraps his arms around his own knees._

_"Hey." Gintoki stands to move in front of the boy, and puts his hands on his shoulder. "Look here."_

_Right now, Gintoki still cannot see the boy's face clearly, but he can see those blue eyes, crystal clear. He focuses on them._

_"It's alright, okay?" He says. "We can always visit each other during breaks."_

_"But Gin-chan…" The boy chokes. "I don't want to go!"_

_Gintoki ruffles the other boy's head, which makes him look up._

_"We'll make a promise, then." He suggests. "A promise that after twenty years, if we're both still healthy and happy, we'll meet back here again on the day when the leaves turn brown. Okay?"_

_The boy's face lights up, and he promptly agrees to his suggestion. "Pinky promise?"_

_Gintoki smiles._

_"Pinky promise."_

 

* * *

 

 

**iii. promise**

  
Gintoki wakes up on his own to a quiet house. It's 8 in the morning again, just in time to hear the alarm ring.

Now, he knows what he has to do.

That dream is definitely not just a dream. It seems more like his mind is trying to tell him something. Something that he should have always remembered but somehow forgot over the years.

He hastily changes into his usual outfit, not forgetting to throw in a scarf to protect against the cold weather. As he struggles to put on his sandals, Shinpachi greets him at the door.

"Good morning, Gin-san. You seem pretty lively today."

"Pattsuan, there's something urgent that I need to attend to first. There's nothing much to do today, so just wait till I get back." Gintoki explains briefly.

"Gin-san–"

Gintoki runs as fast he can, almost tripping himself over a pebble on the street. He doesn't know exactly where he's going either, but instinctively, his mind where the place is.

The place where they made that promise, twenty years ago.

How could he have forgotten about such an important person? Even before the other three Joui warriors–Katsura, Sakamoto and Takasugi–this person has been with him as far back as he can remember.

Ah, yes, Gintoki remembers now. With every step he takes, every sound that his boots make, a memory comes rushing back to him.

The joy they shared.

The tears that they cried.

The things that they did.

The games that they played.

The adventures they had together.

_The promise that they made that day._

How could he have forgotten?

Slowly but surely, the face of the boy becomes clearer and clearer to him, coming in crystal clear as he reaches his destination. His smile, the familiar blue eyes forming the image of—

The face overlaps with the one he sees right now, the one that belonged to a certain annoying vice-chief of the Shinsengumi.

As they overlap, it finally dawns upon Gintoki. Why their interactions feels so natural even if they apparently only just met a while back. The reason why looking at Hijikata's eyes feels like remembering something, _someone_ that Gintoki has long forgotten.

Gintoki eyes connect with Hijikata's again, as both of them put their hands on their knees and pant as if they just completed a marathon while racing each other.

"Ah, Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki says between pants. " What brings you here at this hour? Don't you have work?"

"Dumbass. You know why." Hijikata lights a cigarette. "The same reason why you're here."

_To fulfill the promise._

"Ah, honestly, I didn't expect things to go this way…" Gintoki scratches his head and chuckles. "Who knew one of the most important people in my life is a mayonnaise-nicotine addict?"

"As if you're any better anyways–wait, did you just–?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry for forgetting, Toshi!" The silver-haired man ruffles Hijikata's hair. "What a bad friend I am."

"…You're not the only one at fault. I completely forgot about that entire part of my life until I saw you again that day." Hijikata turns away, mumbling.

"Ehh…" Gintoki smirks. "Well, at the very least you're still susceptible to teasing, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not!"

"I'm disappointed. You were so cute back then, though. Would have traded that boy over you any day."

"Are you an idiot? That doesn't make any sense at all because we're the same person!" Hijikata retorts. "Also, don't go around saying other guys are cute in _that_ way. It makes people think weird things."

"Oh, but what if I mean it?" Gintoki chortles.

Soon, Hijikata follows, and for a while, the area is filled with the laughter of these two men, heartening chuckles warmer than the sun. A while later, the laughter fades.

Gintoki moves closer to the other man. "I'm truly very, sorry for forgetting you, Hijikata-kun."

"…Me too." Hijikata faces Gintoki again.

And then, both of them remember something. The reason why the other was so important to them back then, and even till now when they finally remember the time spent together.

They already belonged to the other, ever since that fateful day when a little boy called Hijikata Toshirou first approached the lone wolf called Sakata Gintoki. The Sakata Gintoki who had no friends, no family. Nothing.

As Gintoki inches forward, his mind suddenly goes blank and almost as if instinctively, he pulls the other man towards him and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

He backs away, and as he watches Hijikata's reaction, he thinks:

 

_Ah, perhaps fall isn't such a boring season after all._

**Author's Note:**

> I would have liked to make this longer, but I also wanted to upload this before the next episode of the Silver Soul continuation came out so yeah :3
> 
> if you enjoyed this story, please leave a kudos or even a comment! it will be greatly appreciated and it motivates me to write more fics too^^
> 
> meanwhile, you can also come talk to me on Tumblr @ennuitea :)
> 
>  
> 
> ja ne~


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